Last
by Light1
Summary: Everything comes to an end and Kain has experienced a lot of 'Lasts' in his existence. But experience makes them no more easy to deal with and sometimes even the strongest of us refuse to let go.


**Last**

Disclaimer: Legacy of Kain belongs to Edios and Crystal dynamics, they are not me. I am making £0.00 out of this fic, it is written purely because I have a burning need to create.

Rating: PG

Part: One of One

Set: Post defiance.

Authoress note: Kain was experiencing a lot of lasts.

**Last**

{Kain}

There had been a lot of lasts.

There were always beginnings and so there were always endings. Everything finished so by that logic there always had to be a last. A last rain drop after the storm, a last survivor of a species and a last time for any given event. He had experienced a lot of lasts in his life time. The last breath he took as a mortal, the last time he touched someone with human-like hands and the last time Raziel had looked at him without hate and suspicion in his eyes. He had been thinking about lasts a lot lately. He had tried to drive his mind from it but every time he let his guard down he found himself drawn back to thinking on the last time he had talked to his children, the last time he had attempted to make a joke with Raziel. His jokes had always failed miserably but at least the attempt had been made. To prevent himself from thinking on those last days he had driven himself to think on what was happening now. But now was just a time for waiting. He had waited before and it had been difficult but now he found it even more so. He found himself thinking a great deal about insignificant things. These things were distractions from what he was truly thinking of. The insignificant thoughts were how he knew he was close to a big decision. He always thought of foolish things when close to a big decision. Like how far up the pillars went or how far down? How had Moebius never walked into things when his cataracts were as obvious as his nose? How Raziel could show such hatred in his eyes when his eyes were almost formless now? He wondered why it bothered him as much as it did when he had had so long to prepaid for it, to know it was coming.

Eventually the pointless thoughts began to become irritating as they constantly strayed towards his eldest and what he was trying not to think about. So he walked and tried to drown out thoughts. He had done this many times in the past as well. Wandered aimlessly, started fights and looked for hidden things of legend that he doubted even existed. Anything to stop him thinking. But nothing worked. Nothing ever did. He could delay but that was all he could do and eventually he gave up. He sat in the time streaming chamber and stared at the device. This one was simpler than the chronoplast, less elegant and somewhat more difficult to use with a great deal of precision. Times like this he was torn between wanting to smack Moebius and ask him how he managed to tune the device so specifically. It was unbelievably frustrating. But it gave him something else to think on for a time before once more coming back to dark thoughts. He could use the streamer to go back. It was not the first time he had considered this but it would be the last. For he knew that he would go through with it this time, he was going to go back by going forward. It was very tricky as by his and Raziel's current actions he wasn't sure if the time he wanted still existed; despite his all too clear memory of it. So he gave that some thought for a time as well and eventually managed to use dimension magic to manipulate the time streaming device.

The sword on his back hummed and vibrated against his skin. Absently he reached back to touch the blade gently, the way one would offer reassurance to another person. He could feel the blades energy, could feel his child and while it was somewhat comforting it was not enough. He could remember the way Raziel had looked at him as he was taken into the blade. It was the first time in a long time that they had shared a look that was not rage and hate filled. It was also the last time they had looked at each other. So he was going back, or rather forwards. To when Raziel had looked at him with aww and respect rather than hate or fear. To a time when his children prospered, and to the time when Nosgoth was almost dead. He had sworn to himself that he would never do this, but Raziel's sacrifice had opened up old wounds, old scars. He needed another last, a last time to see them all, alive in their way and content in their way. A last time to see his eldest not hating, or dying.

"I do not do this because I am weak," he said to no one and nothing "I do this because ... because I want to," he sighed "after all when have I ever need a better reason than that to do anything." And with that said to the empty room he threw the switch and gave himself to the void.

**End Ficlet**

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